Graduate Depression

I would apologize, but the abandonment has been on both sides. Please come back, I need you. I have made jejune attempts to revive this blog but now I have become pedantic. You see, I had a plan and like most things in my life, things never go as intended.

I had delineated my life, since I thought as a young adult, I would have more control but I have come to learn life never gives you the lemons to even make lemonade. Like my father used to say, "I am going through the wilderness!" I have obeyed every single rule in the book, but life is adamant at giving me the middle finger and whispering plangently in my ears, "I don't care!"

I was going to travel the world, after I graduated in May. Not literally the whole world, I am definitely not stupid but go to a few places in Europe and Africa but that did not work out. To be fair, I still traveled to England where I got to see some of my most favorite people on Earth. It rejuvenated me as I saw my friends being happy following their dreams and living life.

It's so funny that when you graduate, after congratulations comes the big question, "what are your plans," and I find myself saying I am taking it one day at a time and I dislike myself a little for saying that because its such a cop out statement. I do not even know which is more depressing, job applications or interviews. Then you hate yourself more for getting a tiny bolt of jealousy when things are working out for the people you care about. I would just like to say adulthood sucks!

Its so bad I have not gone to any shopping site in a month, normally I would just throw things in my cart and wait for that next pay check but now, nothing over the horizon so there's no point in even putting anything in the shopping cart. I have always been independent and I think the fear of losing my independence either financially or emotionally cripples me. For example, a few months ago if my mum offered to give me money for gas I would tell her not to worry about it, but now "in my dark times" I collect it. Another thing is moving back home, my first year in uni, I asked a friend why she has so much load and she said she had left her parents home, apart from holidays she was not going to live there anymore. So I think moving out of my cute apartment back to my mum's house really took a toll on me.

Well not to be sad, as I read from a blogger going through a similar predicament, THIS TOO SHALL PASS! I have also learnt to be grateful and hopeful. So this is feeble attempt at telling you I am back and you should come back too. Please keep me in your prayers and offer advice on navigating these dark tunnels.

Ever yours,
Seunla